?

Log in

 
 
15 November 2013 @ 03:31 am
Letting Go  
Title: Letting Go
Characters: George
Word Count: 817
Summary: This isn't good-bye.

“The last time we were here together you proposed to me. It was foggy, cold and miserable… and you had complained the entire hike up about how much your feet hurt. You didn’t even have a ring… to be honest I don’t think you planned on proposing until the moment you took my hand and got down on one knee. I actually thought you were joking at first. For the longest time afterwards I had wished you had at least put a little thought into it, if only to make the moment more romantic. A ring would have been nice instead of that silly little blade of grass you tried to tie around my finger.

“But… upon some reflection I realized that it couldn’t have been more perfect than that. I had only gone out for a walk and you stubbornly decided to follow me despite my warning that you weren’t wearing the proper footwear. I failed to see the parallel to five years prior when a young journalist named Thomas Jones had stubbornly followed me to the same spot and gave me a second chance at living my life… but you didn’t. You saw me sitting on the rocks in the mist looking miffed, the Atlantic roaring like a beast in our ears… and I’m not sure what you saw beyond that but you have always been more in tune with the universe, fate and destiny than I have ever been.

“It was foggy, cold and miserable… and you were on one knee and I looked like a bemused idiot until you kissed me. I could have punched you… I punched you the first time you ever blindsided me. I said ‘yes’ instead.

“I’ve never regretted that choice; I want you to know that. I think you thought I did sometimes, when you got older and I stayed the same.

“You’ve been gone a long time now Nathaniel… and I miss you. By now you’re only a chapter in my life in a book that’s hardly near finished. But you were, and do remain, the most important chapter. Not in the grand scheme of the gods, of nature herself or even the universe… but you’re the most important chapter to me.

“It’s been hard trying to let you go. You asked it of me and I begrudgingly allowed it with tears in my eyes. I will admit there was a time when I regretted that choice. I could have kept you here… even if it was just for a little longer. But I could never do that to you.

“One day I’ll die too, burning up in a blaze of glory no doubt… or a simple puff of smoke. Heh… and that will be it. No vast landscapes bathed in the cosmic light of the universe at the end of that dark tunnel.

“Oblivion…

“It’s taken me some time to realize I got the better deal in the end. I remember crying and begging you to stay with me… it had seemed so unfair. You were leaving me to face the rest of my existence alone. I was so… scared. It seemed like I had only just found you. I’m sorry for how selfish I was… because you will exist long after entropy has claimed me.

“You have gone somewhere I cannot follow and you made that choice knowing we’d never meet again. I’m sorry for all the times I’ve called you a coward because you are he bravest man I’ve ever known.

“The stupidest too… but so very brave…”

George slowly rose from the ground, brushing a few stray blades of grass from his trousers. The mist was not nearly as thick as it had been and the ocean roared like a beast in his ears. The smile on George’s lips was bittersweet as he bent over and picked up the urn at his feet. He carried it lovingly in his hands toward the edge of the Cliffs of Moher. Below the ocean crashed upon Ireland’s shore.

“You once told me that death is an ocean,” George murmured before exhaling deliberately. The wind rose to answer him, blowing the fog out to sea. Removing the lid and dropping it over the edge George upturned the urn and the ashes were caught in the gale, dancing like dark stars out into the unknown. When every speck was carried away the pottery slipped from his fingers and tumbled down to be swallowed by the sea.

“This isn’t me saying good-bye,” George said, the wind stealing his words and sending them off with the ashes and his tears. “I won’t let you go until the world takes me away from you… but when that day does come, whenever it may be, you’ll know. I’ll say good-bye even if I have to tear the fabric of the realms apart…

“And you’ll know I loved you until the very end.”
 
 
Current Music: OneRepublic - If I Lose Myself